Isolation

Living with someone suffering with addiction is a very isolating experience.  I recently heard a friend say that a lady she knew had a son with a heroin addiction.  She talked about how this woman didn’t like to go to church or social events.  I instantly knew exactly how she felt. 

Life with an addict is an experience unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced.  It is a reality all its own.  Those who haven’t lived it don’t understand it.  People with addiction to drugs are so unpredictable.  One minute things are ok, and the next, all hell is breaking loose.  Things turn on a dime.  Because of that you are constantly nervous and off balance. You find yourself either recovering from something or preparing for the next.  There is never calm.  If things are calm, you know the storm is coming.  After living like this for a while many people experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.  It’s common to suffer with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. 

So, going out and doing anything social is not fun.  You find yourself not able to relate to people as they talk of things that have no importance to you anymore.  You feel like everybody knows, but then really, they don’t have any idea.  They don’t know the tsunami of a life you are living.  As they talk of how disappointed they are in their son’s grades.  You are remembering last night.  When your son came to the door asking to come in, it was snowing, he was high.  He cried and begged to come in and said he had nowhere to go. You couldn’t let him in because you knew he would use in the house. He refused to go to rehab.  So, you had to turn and walk away from the door.  You felt like your heart was literally breaking. It had been the single hardest thing you had ever done.    While they talk of summer vacation, you wonder if your son will live through the summer. 

You are in the fight of your life.  You are in a life and death struggle.  All the while trying to keep your sanity and care for your other kids and husband.  Every day you see this boy who you love more than life itself, slowly killing himself, and there is nothing you can do.  However, even knowing you can’t stop it, you are driven to desperately try anything and everything to help him. It consumes your every thought. Imagine being tied to a tree while you watch a train coming.  Imagine your son on the tracks.  He doesn’t hear the train or see it coming.  You see in horror what is going to happen.  You try to yell, no sound comes out.  You struggle to run toward him.  You can’t move.  All you can do is watch….and pray.    

So, if you know someone living with an addict.  Be patient, be gentle, don’t judge, just love them.