Start The Healing

Every time I sit to write for this blog I start to think about writing advice about dealing with addiction.  I begin to write about what might help you, and every time I do, it doesn’t flow at all.  The thought keeps coming back to me…just tell the story.  The story is hard to tell and harder to let others read.  It’s hard for my son to let me tell it.  It’s painful to put it out there.  But, when I get authentic, then the words come with ease.  When I bare my soul, it comes without effort.  I thank Mitch for letting me tell these things that are painful for him to read and have others know.  He and I do it, only with the hope that it might help someone else.  I think we all spend too much time trying to look perfect.  Hiding our pain and experiences for fear of being judged.  I wish we would all get real about life and let each other know about what we suffer with.  Then, maybe we would all have more compassion and not feel alone. 

Drug and alcohol addiction can touch any and all families.  I don’t care how careful and thoughtful and diligent you are to teach your kids.  If you haven’t dealt with it, don’t be proud about it, be grateful.  I have found that many parents just aren’t aware that their kids are using drugs.  It took me a year to realize there was a problem, because I wasn’t looking.  I never imagined it could happen to us.  You see I am an adult child of an alcoholic.  My mother wasn’t a mother to me because she was drunk most all of my life.  My childhood was ruined because of her alcoholism.  I suffered and still do to this day because of it.  So, I made sure from a very young age to talk about it to my kids and warn them and teach them about the dangers of substance abuse.  Even so, it still happened. 

I tried so hard to distance myself from the pain of my experience with my Mom, that when my son started down the same road it was devastating. So seriously emotionally crippling.  I’m sure I didn’t handle his situation with enough wisdom because of it.  I was overcome by so much old pain and emotion that I had pushed down for so long.  Then it all came crashing to the surface and I felt overwhelmed.  Ever heard of the saying.  “Old feelings buried alive never die”? It’s true.  

As time went on I did learn to process my feelings better and learn to set boundaries.  I will talk about that in another post.  The thing I want to end with is that you must feel your feelings. Either do so, or live in pain and denial.  After you suffer enough, you get desperate enough to do the work.  The inner work that needs to be done.  Living in pain and fear was no longer an option for me.  So I began…the healing that needed to be done.